'It seemed barbaric'

Anonymous


This is a traumatic story of loss. Please read with care.


My first baby was stillborn at 39+2 in June 2015. We found out she had died and I was told I would be induced and would give birth naturally. It seemed barbaric to have to go through labour knowing my baby was dead. I asked for a section but was refused. Obviously I was in no fit state to advocate for myself and so I did as I was told which I now regret. At the time I was proud that I gave birth to her naturally even though it was a tough labour and I had quite a bit of tearing. But then when I was pregnant with my second child I was recommended to have a section as we were delivering him quite early to be safe and the Dr felt my anxiety might hinder labour and result in section anyway. So then the chance to have a 'redemptive' second natural labour was taken away from me and more and more I feel angry that I was forced in to the first natural labour. Although logically I recognise the importance of birth trauma, I still struggle with finding empathy for people who talk about trauma when their baby didn't die. My other point is that views on a birth story might change over time depending on what happens after. If you had asked me in 2015 I would have said I was glad I had a natural labour. Now I would say I am very angry that I wasn't given the choice of a section. I suppose it comes back to informed choice as most things do! Thank you for collecting all these stories x

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