My pregnancy was pretty straight forward apart from having SPD and measuring large for dates from about 3months.
At 37 weeks I was given the choice of induction at 38 weeks or a section at 39. As I had only ever planned to have 1 baby I was really keen to try naturally.
I was induced on a Thursday morning. Our hospital don’t use the pessary so I was given the first gel. I was told I could have a total of 4 gels, if these was not successful I would be given a c section. With nothing very exciting happening with any of the 3 gels over a period of 48 hours I was given my 4th and final gel.
Within a few minutes of the gel being inserted I suddenly felt the most horrific pain I’d ever felt. I started screaming and a midwife ran in. It all becomes a bit of a blur then for the next hour but I remember her looking at the monitor, pushing the emergency button, pulling the sides of my bed up and running round to delivery. I remember hearing my boyfriend ask if this was normal. She replied no and then an oxygen mask was placed over my face and I think I passed out with the pain. I remember them putting a huge needle in my tummy as my boyfriend again asked what was going on. The midwife explained the 4th gel had made my uterus go into a hyper stimulation and instead of contracting as a normal rate it was doing one long contraction. It took an hour for the injection to counteract the contractions.
After this I thought well if I can cope with an hour long contraction I can cope with anything 🤣 how wrong was I! I was then in active labour for the next 18 hours, I was stubborn and refused any pain relief. The midwife examined me and told me I had only progressed 1cm. 18hours for 1 poxy cm!! She told me it was time I gave in and accepted the epidural. They then put me on the hormone drip to speed it up. Another 6 hours passed I was examined again and this time I was 10cm dilated and ready to start pushing.
I pushed for an hour and 45minutes with no sign of my baby boy. A senior midwife came in to examine me and told me that he was back to back with me and that’s why he wasn’t coming out. My doctor came in and told me very honestly and frankly that a lady in the room next door was in exactly the same position as me but her baby was in distress and they needed to prioritise taking her to theatre first. He promised me he would be back in an hour to take me to theatre.
What seemed like a lifetime later my doctor returned, he examined me and at this point he realised there was cord prolapse. That’s where he took the decision to just get the forceps and pull him out, whilst he was still back to back with me which led to me having a 4th degree tear.
My baby wasn’t crying, he didn’t make a noise. My doctor was at the bottom of my bed telling me I had lost too much blood, That I have a very severe injury and I need to go to theatre immediately. I couldn’t hear any of what he was telling me, I just kept screaming over and over ‘is my baby okay, is he okay?’ No one was answering me and I couldn’t see him for all the doctors and nurses stood in the way. The doctor was still at the bottom of me trying to tell me the risks, trying to tell me what was happening to me and all I cared about was my baby. I told him to leave me alone, that I didn’t care about me, just save my baby. Then there he was, healthy, crying, being placed on my chest. The relief was like nothing I have ever felt before, I can’t explain that feeling. I was allowed to hold him for a few seconds, then they took him one way and me another, straight to theatre where I then stayed for 4 hours whilst having reconstructive surgery- 100s of stitches inside and out, from top to bottom.
Being in theatre for so long meant that I didn’t give my baby his first bottle, I didn’t dress him in his first outfit, I didn’t put his first nappy on. All of these precious moments taken away from me.
Raphi was born 2 weeks early on Sunday 27th January, 11.54am (28hours in active labour) weighing 8.2lb
I’m forever grateful that they delivered my baby safe and well and as a mother this was always my priority, getting my baby here safe. However I am incredibly sad that I was so badly injured during childbirth and that I’m affected daily by the physical and emotional scars.
My partner Sam was my rock throughout being induced and throughout my labour, I remember looking at his face and seeing the shear look of terror and helplessness. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing how proud he was. That kept me going, I knew I had to keep going for our son but also for him.
When I feel brave enough to I will one day share more about our aftercare, the days that followed, the emotional trauma and the physical injuries but for now, thank you for reading.