'All I remember is almost everyone not helping me'


My daughter was overdue and so I was told I needed an induction. The date to trigger hospital policy was a Sunday, so they told me I had to come in on Friday. I said I'd prefer to wait until Monday to give our baby time to come out naturally. The female doctor said we basically couldn't do that, as it was hospital policy. We were very sure of our dates, but she didn't make it clear we could overrule that policy.

So we went in on the Friday, sweep and pessary (my memory is hazy) didn't work, and I had to have syntocinon drip. It took to maximum dosage to get things going, which I did on gas and air despite an anaesthetist constantly coming around trying to get me to have an epidural. I didn't want one, and the midwife batted him away many times, but eventually there was a complication which caused me pain and I said ok. I was doing ok until just as I was due to start pushing someone topped up the epidural so I couldn't feel ANYTHING. Couldn't feel how to push, or any of my Lower body. So I couldn't do it and they had to use forceps. Then I had a pretty serious bleed, and they didn't have time to rush me to surgery to fix me so had to do it in the room. I lost a lot of blood, didn't get to hold my daughter for ages and had to look at my hubby's terrified face as he held our daughter.

Afterwards no one talked to me about the birth, asked if I was ok. I needed several units of blood and yet I had no help from midwives on duty (except the lovely one who kept my bloods going as continuously as she could so I could get home sooner). I was so anaemic I couldn't make much milk but no one told me that. I couldn't get the latch right but no one helped me. All I remember is almost everyone not helping me.

I firmly believe the induction was too early. And the epidural too high. Pretty sure that birth trauma has played a large part in us stopping at one child. We couldn't face the risk of things going wrong like that again and me dying in childbirth. We'd love to have had another child but not if it means I have to give birth again. Sad but true. Writing this my eyes mist up with tears, even though in real life I'm a confident, well educated, professional woman who doesn't take much lying down...

And my husband feels the same, he came too close to losing me.

I checked btw and there is still no birth thoughts service for my part of the country. Simply accessing my notes will cost £30-50 in hospital fees, apparently.

One more thing, I did an amazing course with my baby yoga teacher who said to us if you're not happy with the midwife assigned to you, you can ask to have a change. We did and it was the best advice ever. Our NCT teacher also did a mock up of how many people there are and what they do in a C section and it was brilliant.

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